An after discussion with my work mate yesterday on the topic of relationships, he said…:
“You could get any girl you wanted”

I was quite socked initially at this and Eve since its been playing on my mind, so I’ve decided to write about it. I find off loading things that bother me into a blog allows me to eight deal with somethingor forget and move on, knowing I’ve documented my thoughts if it ever crops up again!

My initial response to his comment went something along the lines of:

“Are you kidding!?? I’m a femme girl, if I’m an a room full of lesbians I often feel incredibly scared, like a a twinky gay boy might feel surrounded by a whole room full of older leather bears!!!”

Pigeon-holeing is unavoidable especially when your gay… almost as much a sterio-typing. I fit into the uber femme category, whether I like it or not. I more often than not wear heels when I go out, I wear makeup, my hair is longer and girly, and I’m quite comfortable in a dress or a skirt.
Most of the other young lezzies I know would never be seen dead in any of the above. I know I really shouldn’t be so damn self conscious, but this is one of the few situations I find mused in that I end up figuratively crapping myself like a Pansy!
Even when looking to just meet other girls ‘for friendship’, I feel like everyone around me is second guessing my intentions!
I’ve been confronted in a girls club night before, with someone untactfully asking if I was just “scouting for chicks to take home for a 3some with my boyfriend”. *insert horrified offended facials*

Being a performer and a self confessed show off, typically I wouldn’t have such out of character ‘panics’, for want of another way of describing my mental anguish/ analysis! Having a reputation always mean new people you meet have expectations of your personality. I like to think that when I’m “in character” performing… or what ever, I’m quite different to my normal, girl next door self. I forget that I’m used to my Gemini tendencies and almost everyone else struggles to comprehend. Its not exactly first meeting or a first date topic right!??? Haha.

And………

Now is when I laugh at myself for being an overly paranoid, self analyzing, self-conscious NUMPTY….!

Yep I’m an egg, at least I can admit it myself…

😉

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