The Van roof went back on last night. Today is the second day of glorious sunshine that has been forecasted for this week and I am glowing. Vitamin D will be my go to this winter, as I adjust to winter again after 12 months.
Mystery the magick van 1
Hopefully today it will all be sealed up so if there’s any moisture the rest of the week I can breathe easy. It’s been almost 2 weeks to get this work done: lift the roof, remove the old seals, trims, screws and all the flakey crunchy rusty bits. We treated it with a rust killing acid that turns the sandwitchy rust black. It’s really cool process – that’s science folks.
It’s been an emotional journey too. Restoring my van while living in it – every blog I’ve read says “things I’d never do again: live in a van while restoring it!” And now I believe them. However it’s really given me the perspective that – this is my house, I’m restoring my house. Sure the last two weeks it’s been like living in a tent – with a foot gap between the roof and the body of the van and a flappy tarpaulin keeping the rain out. My thanks and gratitude goes out to a warm sleeping bag and blow up camping mattress, my amazing immune system and crystallised ginger, hot tea and kombucha! Next up patching the tiny holes that we uncovered after stripping away the flakey rust, and putting the windscreen back in with a new seal. Oh to be wind proof and a little more vaguely air tight again. It’s exciting.
Mystery the magick van 2
Over the weekend I went to a monthly witches “Cauldron” a coffee meet-up with a focus on trees. It was so wonderful to talk again about our connections to nature. Asking permission to work with leaves, branches or flowers, and feeling instinctively the response from them. We talked about the changing of seasons, and the shift out of summer – oooh to listen to them all speaking about how much they love Autumn. I’ve been terrified of it, surrounded by people in the southern hemisphere who view Canada as one whole country of cold snow and ice in the winter – and many, many Vancouvrians who speak of nothing but rain, rain, rain, rain and more rain.
I’m again feeling like I got sucked into group think and felt overwhelmed by it. Okay, sure it is probably going to rain HEAPS here over winter, but it hasn’t been so bad yet, and I’m enjoying the shift in seasons (when I’m not freaking out about weather sealing my van). It’s only been as cold as Melbourne and Auckland get in Autumn, nothing drastically terribly horrible has happened yet weather wise here at all – except the hurricane on the West coast was called Florence. Oooooo.
I am excited – my wee little wood fire stove will go into the van in the next week or two (not exactly sure how/ when) and I’ve started planning out my new floor plan – trying to get even some of the wonderfully creative interior design ideas out of my head onto paper and think of all the little spaces I can use, create and build. How to decorate, and infuse this van with my flare, creating my own magical castle inside my tiny home on wheels. IT’S SO EXCITING.
Mystery the magick van 3
I am actively choosing to be excited not worried.
I am actively choosing to be excited not worried.
I am actively choosing to be excited not worried.
Van life is exhilarating and I don’t want it any other way, and I’m learning the patience to enjoy the journey just as much as I will revel when she is done. OR will she ever be fully finished? Am I ever going to stop tweaking, restoring or changing little things.. Probably not. It’s going to be a wonderfully cozy and nesty winter, I’m looking forward to having my space that I can invite others to share it with me. To bask in its cosiness beside me.
When I decided to move to canada I met someone who was from Canada and who’d offered to sell me their vehicle. Sweet I thought, I’ll have wheels and will be able to travel and sightsee as soon as I get here. Fast forward a month in and it still hadn’t happened. I started looking around not knowing what I was really looking for, to buy a van.
I knew I wanted to be mobile, able to live in it while traveling, maybe longer. Suddenly my antsy frustration trapped feelings of not working for myself and being tied to one spot slowly started to melt away. I the idea I could live and travel anywhere around the city and driving distance on the weekends excited me so much. There was so much land, sights, nature and beauty right at my fingertips – mountains, lakes, seas and islands. It spelled freedom, and in a mysterious way my body energy started to slowly shift.
I ended up buying a cheaper van that needed a lot of love after the expensive one I wanted fell through because I couldn’t get away to look at it in time. The first two weeks I owned her were a tortuous mental turmoil thinking I’d made a terrible decision and bought a dud. I really didn’t know anything about my new van and I didn’t trust my gut that led me to her or even if I’d be able to make it work.
I love naming my vehicles.. I’ve had two green Turtle vehicles at different energetic ages. So I was expecting to find the name of my new van too. I think it took almost a month, maybe a few weeks till it happened. I believe in messages from the universe but this was the first time I’d felt anything at all close to an “out of my control” message. To me trust is a very important thing and I think vehicles have their own personalities in a way. The universe brought her into my life, but her name wasn’t entrusted to me till I trusted her and trusted my decision to have her in my life.
I was just simply texting a friend telling them about my purchase and all the work I’d begun to do to her and how much more I was going to have and I think I simply made the observation that “it was a complete mystery why this van had come into my life and if I had done the right thing and how much more work I’d have to do”. Then my fingers simply typed afterwards:
“Mystery the magick van”
I kind of felt stopped in my tracks, wait what!? Then I quickly followed up the text message with an exclamation – “I think that’s her name!”
“I just found out what her name was in that moment of texting you”
I was buzzing and I’m a state of surprise and somehow just realised and reinforce in my whole body that sometimes life is a mystery.
Sometimes I cannot understand why things happen or what direction all of these culminating things will take me. Trying to plan, control and minutely understand will not make me happy and will not help any kind of situation get better. Mystery was here to teach me this in a giant way.
Not only teach my to trust myself, to let go of control of the future but also to let mysteries be mysteries and enjoy the nuances of all the wonderful things that somehow I’m really having the time of my life learning now.
Skip forward another month and Mystery is in the shop having her carburetor replaced because hills stopped being possible to climb. I’ve just gotten off a bus and am I’m heading to work on the seabus ferry across Vancouver harbour listening to my favourite podcast. Half way through the woman being interviewed starts talking about the mysteries of life. Cue tears, my heart felt jerked, tugged on an completely vulnerable. The heart is so big and it breaks open and open and open. The blasted open energy of the heart is capable of enormous healing. I am here letting life break open my heart, letting this moment change me. Learning to stay with the feeling of knowing that my intuition never lies.
I don’t know what’s next I don’t know how life will pan out – I have to be in the Mystery. We’re so strange as humans we can watch mystery moving but when don’t know how it ends or don’t know the answers in our own lives we go crazy. It’s like living the High Priestess card – allow the Mystery. Allowing myself to be a mystery, allowing my life to be a mystery. I feel it is very brave and vulnerable to live like this – but it’s also a great adventure, which what I want my life to be.
There is no one else to save me, there is no one else to do my own emotional work for me, so I must rise up and save myself, dive into the mystery and follow my hearts. Stop listening to other people and doing what brings me joy. The grail or river of what I love and what makes me whole. I know I have SO much to give when I am in my joy. So much more love, healing, change and energy to share. It is not selfish to pursue what brings me joy.
What a crazy few days/week it’s been. I know I’m trying to slow down but this pace is exciting. From sleep over dates and getting to know and feel comfortable with a new human, to having my van stolen – AND completely surreally getting her back. Buying RV insurance then immediately using it the next day. The serendipity has been incredible in a way it has left me feeling completely out of control, and ungrounded where all I can do is trust, all I can do is let go. To release my attachment to any plans, and to work hard when opportunities and doors open to me.
Last night my vehicle was stolen. I heard it start up, (holes in her muffler make for a super loud and recognisable sound) and drive off. My first ever 911 call and my body shut down into shocked eerie calmness while I gave the dispatcher details. I’ve never been in quite an intense trust situation where everything feels so dark, hopeless and out of control – when all you can do is feel that tiny glimmer of hope and feeling that it is all part of the journey.
Later that night the police called back having found my van, arrested the thief and told me to come collect it. In 1 piece, 99% unharmed and without impounding it or taking her off me! She lives, and we get to continue her restoration journey together – towards my dream of living in her on the road traveling. What a glimpse into the shadow world. Just before the new moon in Gemini!
Since then I have yo-yo’d between exhaustion, overwhelm and a beautiful reminder to share my gratitude, love and thankfulness for the opportunities, love, support and access I have to a means of transport, financial means of supporting myself and doing a up a van, and a life in a country where emergency services actually help – search helicopter and all.
I am feeling so grateful. This I’m back catching the bus to and from work because my Van has been hanging out at my mechanic’s house… I’m pooped. I am so thankful for my out of the box ways of thinking of things and not giving up. Being told by an auto mechanic that doing her up would take 50k and 12 months, too making wonderful leaps and bounds in progress giving her love has really warmed up my heart. It almost feels like my heart is being taught to love again in a way that’s completely new to me.
With a human body I’m not familiar with but am wonderfully attracted to – gentle, gorgeous and softly caring and sweet. To a vehicle I almost regretted for a second bringing into my life. The clouds started all black with her till slowly my determination not to give up and to find a way around “the system” has opened up my heart to dreaming and imagining our adventures and travels together. It’s exciting, thrilling and a terrifying emotional roller coaster where I’m learning so much about the things I am scared of. Challenging the things or parts of my identity that I’ve been clinging to and how to smashing it pieces straight out from under me.
Woken up, lit up grateful, thankful and overwhelmed.
Riding the bus this morning and not having my headphones to loose myself in inspiring podcasts but to actually having to sit with my brain. Finding a precious moment to be present and create this stream of consciousness and gratitude. To feel grounded in an urban routine of stopping for a second to allow my mind space to breathe. I wouldn’t have imagined a few weeks ago how happy I’d be to have a long bus ride to work.