Telling Queer Stories: The Lovers – 6

Telling Queer Stories: The Lovers – 6

In the major arcana the 6th card in the deck is the lovers card. It’s traditional representation (painted in 1910 by Pamela Coleman-Smith), shows two figures; Adam and Eve before the fall, enjoying the innocence of the garden and their own nudity while an angel looks on above. In the tree behind Eve, lies the snake hinting at the choice to come to gain knowledge and wisdom and behind Adam is a tree with 12 flowers symbolising the astrological houses. The card is represented by Gemini, choices in romantic relationships and duality. It can also be said the card represent the two halves of the brain and the point in human evolution where childbirth became difficult for women due to the increase of brain mass in the species. Generally speaking however this card represents romantic relationships.

I’ve been receiving this card repeatedly since the last frost nub of winter which has been a surprise to say the least because breakups are something I’ve had a lot of this year and I’m not know for successful relationships or positive choices in partners. This continual drawing of the lovers card began following a breakup of a relationship which was short in length and depth.  However the pain took me by surprise, and I was already grieving the end of the possible partnership before the conversation even came. In the lead-up to the conservation I attributed my grief to cosmologically consequences. I’m a cancer sun and experiencing emotions on a large scale is a common experience for me. Since 2011, I’ve been able to access, receive and feel emotions from large groups like those of the “Occupy” protests in NY during the final eviction or the tsunami in Japan. It’s not easy being an empath and sometimes it can be difficult to know where the emotions are coming from. Often I find my body anticipates emotions up to 2-3 days before an event occurs; both for a world event or an extremely personal one. Jungian analyst and writer; Marion Woodman’s recently wrote an article that describes the way I have moved through the world even down to my entry to this life via c-section which i believe is the cause of this tendency to anticipate emotions and try to move through life lessons a little too quickly. LINK

The heart pain and heaviness was daily and all day- sometimes the pain was in the front of my body, sometimes in the back. I had only known this person for a few months and had specifically avoided conversations about partnership, nevertheless when the break came, the pain seemed overwhelming and somewhat extreme for the length and depth of what was between us. During this time, I had started to look at tarot again after a long break; another break up (this time walking away from https://www.facebook.com/sistersoftheequinox/). Surprisingly, daily readings would always come back with a result of the lovers card or the two of cups, and never reversed. Astrological forecasts suggested that love was the main preoccupation for the ex lover. Much of what was around me, suggested that the break up was a mistake but as a cancerian I am always wary of seeing things I want to see and manipulating others to see them too.

Queer Tarot The-Lovers-Tarot-Cards

Queer Tarot: The Lovers Tarot Cards by Trung Nguyen

The lovers card is still following me. In those first early weeks of romantic pain, it was infuriating, upsetting and defying my previous experience of the tarot whose guidance has always offered a different perspective and helped me to make decisions to the pathway of my highest good. Even yesterday (6 weeks later), after coming home to spend some time with my mother and hoping to inspire her to return to her art practice and share my love of the Motherpeace tarot deck (designed by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel in the late 1970’a), the card she left facing upwards was the lovers; with the 9 of cups beside it. The Motherpeace tarot card represents a different aspect of the lovers card. Whereas other decks imply love and romantic partners as a sort of destiny, the Motherpeace card removes the personality and gender aspect and reflects more upon the difficulties of choosing a partner. The choices are represented by different cups, each reflecting qualities of masculinity or femininity in a greco roman style. The energies reach out over their physical boundaries and mingle in the middle representing the bliss that can be made from union. In Vicki Noble’s book she writes about 6, the number of the card representing a peak experience; and the lovers representing a peak experience of union.

A few weeks back I participated in a ritual to welcome the coming of spring. After the ceremony, we each chose a few cards from numerous decks, with only one tarot deck in circulation. I of course, received my card of the promise of love.  At that point, I felt like breaking. Romantic love felt very far away, yet I was continuing to receive this message as if it was already here embracing me. I returned home with message feeling confused as to why it has been constantly been with me. When I returned home I opened up the latest email from a tarot project I have been backing since 2015, and the card of course greeting me was the lovers. However unlike other projections of this card, the image drawn by Christy C. Road is of a naked feminine person holding a handful of spoons reaching forward to embrace another feminine person through a mirror who is walking with a cane. (Click image for link)

The Lovers Queer Tarot

THE LOVERS 💜As the universe offers pipe dreams, delusions, and wayward paths; embrace an indestructible bond that honours you for you

This card had symbolism for those that have difficulty experiencing love for themselves, let alone love for another being and finally gave me some hope of understanding why the goddess was choosing to repeat this message to me over and over again. Since then, I have been applying myself to loving those small parts of myself that feel unloved, working through my childhood experiences of feeling less than loved sometimes and thinking more and more of my community and how we struggle to be accepted in our choices of love. I am reminded again of what a radical act it is to love yourself, to be kind to yourself, to offer yourself the solace and companionship you need. Also I think of  how some people in our community have difficulty finding love, feeling love and feeling included and each time I receive this card now or see it within a reading I am reminded of the embrace of self which is always reaching out to us through the mirror.

How do you feel about the Lovers card? Do you have an interesting story about your relationship or journey with the Lovers Tarot Card? I’d love to hear about it.

The Hierophant: Creating Magick & The Rockwell Project

The Hierophant: Creating Magick & The Rockwell Project

The Hierophant card signifies a hunger for knowledge, be it practical or in the Spiritual Realm.

Creating things is my sweet spot. My happy place when I loose hours a day, get engrossed in something an miss going to my Yoga class. (That happened this morning!) I do it and feel a rush of endorphins, a sense of satisfaction, productivity.  It’s exciting and makes my want to get out of bed every day.

How vast is this change from the article I wrote a month or so ago about having lost that magick when thinking about my business.  What changed? I went to a business coach and bought a new online course.  I picked up a old course I bought last year I think and my brain is lit up, excited again. I’m learning and implementing fast, and in doing so creating lots of new things.

She is calm and in possession of herself, she is the teacher who can help unravel mysteries.

When I started my business the Rockwell Project it was exciting, I was learning faster than my body could keep up. Being an Empath I started to feel pretty burned out and my productivity momentum came in waves. I had a vision for what I wanted it to be and chased it.  In doing so I lost sight of the original spark of creative magick that gifted me the business idea in the first place.  I wanted to help a friend teach her Tarot Workshops online! Simple. That idea spawned a massive overload of features, functions and services that I “could” share and provide for people. WOW. Not simple.

Since seeing having my little epiphany and doing what entrepreneurs do best – Pivoting, I’ve tried to focus back on Simplicity.

Are you making a decision based on what you believe you “should do” or are you tuned into your higher calling.

I’m always going to love the education side of what I do.  I’m very good at it, and I have solid career experience to know what I’m doing and how to best solve a problem or build LMS and learning solutions. Animating and making e-learning feeds a certain part of my need to be creative.  Building learning management platforms excites the problem solving and challenge loving side of me. It’s definitely a skill but it’s not really my higher calling, if you will. At the moment it’s my bread and butter, freelancing and contract work is paying my bills, allowing me to work part time and focus my passion, my love energy on my magick and creativity.

The Hierophant’s purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth, leading the flock in shared, communal rituals.

Separating the learning/ education and magick into two separate creatures, brands feels like a weight off my shoulders to full embrace each and create with in the confines of each.  My message can be clear, un-muddled and simple. Create Magick focuses on creating freedom and excitement in exploring Magick, the Tarot and self discovery and exploration that comes with it. It’s my heart-felt journey to working in a way that heals, connects and frees both those I work with and myself at the same time. This is my spiritual journey, my rituals and practices shared.

The Rockwell Project satisfies my need to help others on a technical and geeky level.  I love helping people build websites, start teaching things for themselves – It’s thrilling. Creating video, film and animations are equally satisfying but on a more base earthy, technical level.  Instructional Design would only be half of me if I wasn’t able to share and express my spiritual side, my journey too.

Together the Rockwell Project and Create Magick feel like a whole. For now, and as I continue to learn and grow myself. I am complete.

Justice Tarot: My personal experience

Justice Tarot: My personal experience

Justice Tarot Card Magick:

A new year always brings lots of change in it’s wake.  Change coming from a growth or and deepening in my perception and knowledge of myself.  My new year had been exciting and adventurous, but in not so traditionally creative or productive ways. My subconscious was slowly but effectively teaching my yet another lesson about myself, told here through the Justice Tarot XI.

I love working for myself but I have been learning where my true boundaries are. I’ve worked on a “does this feel right for me” basis or “Is this stimulating, adventurous, and fun?  If not, why am I still doing it?”  Learning what makes me happy and fulfilled vs drained and unhappy has been the crux this new change.

I had been feeling creatively blocked.  Guilt about “neglecting” projects would instantly overwhelm me and “POOF” in that moment any magickal inspiration or manifestations were gone.  My exciting adventure of life was just drifting, going nowhere. A hopeless kind of feeling. A  heaviness, almost depression overwhelmed me.  I numbed myself with TV and online social media trash, only making my guilt feeling worse.

When is enough, enough?
Take a risk and cast loose your old limitation to free your energy and creativity once more.

Knowing you have a choice to make can bring a sense of heaviness and responsibility. There is weight in the awareness of the decisions’ consequences.

A little glimmer in the dark came when I verbally articulated what was bothering me to my partner, one day not really thinking much of it at the time.  A glimmer breaking through my dark seemingly endless tunnel. I’d stopped wallowing in my creatively blocked misery, and opened a door to a decision that scared the pants off me.

To transform, breakdowns into breakthroughs is to master the greatest adventure of life.

You would think that having realised what was killing my creative buzz and not allowing me to sink my energy into my business – I’d just damn well do something about it?  

Nope.  I just felt like I was running away from my “problems”.

I was home schooled till I was 13. Then I attended a tiny private Christians school.  At 16 I told my parents I wanted to do correspondence at home again as academia and I were never ever friends.  To their credit, and my eternal gratefulness, they supported me.  To this day I will never forget that awful school principal standing over me and shouting at me, telling me I was a coward.  That I was running away.

I didn’t know how to articulate myself at the time I just knew I was doing was the best thing for me. Now my mental health, my creativity & passionate desire to prove everyone wrong has reinforce that decision..

The psychological pattern created at that moment resurfaced now from my internal critic.  I’m trying to figure out what is best for me and I become overwhelmed with a sense of guilt again. With the help of my amazing Tarot mentor I was able to stop and meditate. Thinking “Why am I feeling this? Where is the little girl who felt like this? Is it real?”

Making the decision to free your energy or creativity is never something done without much consideration and awareness.

Equilibrium and energy are out of balance when their flow is interrupted. It takes much meditation and concentration to make the change that feels the most right.

Meditating, dreaming, waking up at 3 am in a cold sweat over “What to do next” conundrum wasn’t easy or fast.  I wished my breakthroughs could happen instantly. The time it took has made sure I truly learn and grow from this experience.

I could feel my energy shifting and lifting like a light at the end of the tunnel.  I’d made peace with my “inner critic”, my guilt.  I knew what I needed to do to restore my creative energy‘s equilibrium.  The clarity, swift sense of quiet confidence it gave me was exciting.  

I’d decided, taken action without negative consequences, and maintained an objective honest dialogue in the process.  I

my boundaries and showed respect for all.

Respect and honesty manifest themselves through decision making and give peace of mind and peace that the decision is right for all.

I was nervous about the outcome of the changes, but as I truly opened up vulnerably to a lesson the universe was teaching me, the glorious outcomes never cease to astound and amaze. Four hand written pages of notes deep and several hours of soulful jazz later this introspective story has nursed my creative flow, wobbling back to balance again.  

My psyche has done Justice for that little girl inside of me.

Justice Tarot Magick

The Wheel of Fortune: my business story told through the Wheel of Fortune Tarot Card

The Wheel of Fortune: my business story told through the Wheel of Fortune Tarot Card

If I were to begin this story about going into business for myself truly I wouldn’t have a place to start, because true tails have no beginning, nor end. However as I have the constrains of this page you will have to use some creative imagination and take this as the snapshot of time that it is, the part of my cycle of change.

That change happened this time last spring, on a warm day that marked the turn of the seasons, a welcoming warmth. I was visited by a magickal gift of inspiration, one that wanted to be realized immediately. I was at a workshop learning Tarot, ready to create, build and grow, looking for a thing to be passionate about. I had gone in with the intention of expanding my journey with tarot, an open spirit least expecting the idea that has taken hold of me and grown over the last 12 months.

Working for myself

I’d grown up differently, being home-schooled in a religious family, then becoming the rebellious teen following my destiny or if you choose to call it so, fate. I had a stubborn and independent nature, and chose to follow it in any direction it would take me so long as it was exciting. Such a mindset and personality, as you could imagine has trouble being bound to conservative rules and the corporate way of life. I’d been absorbing all the knowledge, skill and expertise that world could give me along the way, not knowing what change was on my doorstep.

The Gift of Inspiration

Recently I was listening to a podcast by Elizabeth Gilbert, about the gift of inspiration. How it can be considered a magickal energy looking for a human form for it to be realised. Have you had that moment when someone else “had, did or realised something that was Your Idea once? Maybe you had not been ready to devote the time and energy to bring that idea, that plan, that book, that business into life, so it moved on. Looking for a human form open and ready to dedicate to realising it’s full true potential.

I feel like that warm sunny spring day in Daylesford, I was visited by my own magickal idea, and my course shifted, in a way I’d lest expected! It felt right, I felt full of energy and excitement, I felt closer somehow to my life’s purpose. Little did I know that I was about to enter 12 months of the most intense learning curve, and of personal growth. I don’t yet know if this cycle has passed, or if I am yet still in the midst of it. That excitement I wanted, chased and longed for was all up in my business.

Expressing my authentic self through my work

Being creative comes in all forms. I used to think that singers, artists, dancers and the like were given the gift of creativity. I couldn’t sing well, my dancing was all long hours of training, and not nearly as much natural talent as I wished for. It was in this moment of inspiration that I realised I could live creatively, work creatively, and express my self any way I wanted. So I did. I built an online community, that works differently, that sees Esoteric people as collaborative partners who can help each other, share and grow together. I saw my graphic design skills work magick on with teaching others tarot, my nerdyness create a magickal online home for a psychic medium. I felt my wheel of fortune in motion and felt excited about my change of course, and the coming to a truer realisation of how I could apply my skill and passion.

Giving back to the community        

I know this gift of inspiration may not always be with me, even now it sometimes leaves, and it becomes long hours of slog and hard, hard work. In the back of my mind I know that I may be on my wheel of change right now, but I will not be there for long. I must trust time to work it’s magick, and share as much of my gift as I can, while I can. Hopefully it will grow, and take me with it on it’s next change of direction and maybe then I can step back and see the bigger picture in what is to come. As we try to construct boundaries around what is and is not, I try to live with this thought in the back of my mind. My magickal inspiration chose me, so I must do my best to realise it, share it with the community. It wants to help build, grow and collaborate with so many of you, some whom I’m sure have not even come into my life yet. I was led into a world where tarot was loved, lived by and embraced for a reason. I must share and give back the magick and joy it has given my life.

IF this spoke to you – we should collaborate together!