I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying that the best ideas come about at the pub over a bevy or two! Well I was talking about blogs and interesting topics to write about and somehow the conversation strayed to the Art of ‘Making Out’.

Pashing, making face, necking, frenching, sucking face, swapping spit, tongue wrestling, tonsil hockey, smooching, and the list could go on and on! This post however is not about the good things about kissing. This you might call a virgins guide on how NOT to do it!    Ever said to someone you quite fancy…..

“Give me some Sugar, honey!”
(don’t – it’s awful cheesy, unless you want a reaction!)

The Thin Lips kiss

This is a non committal, less than intimate bird peck. Granted some people do have naturally thinner lips, but that whole feeling of someone’s tightly drawn lips pinching at your mouth is certainly less than erotic or exciting. If this is you relax and let someone in to your personal space a little more. You just enjoy it!

The Tonsils Tickler kiss

I’ve mentioned this next as I think it’s almost the complete opposite to the Thin Lips kiss. Licking your beau’s tonsils on the first pash is not the best way to make to make a favorable impression especially if you’re trying for ‘repeat business’! I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a little bit of tongue but that’s it’s a tease tool to use sparingly at first till you have a bit of trust or more unbridled passionate moments. In short don’t shove your tongue all in hell for leather on your first date!

Eat your face off kiss

I think this is the faux pas that scares me the most. That drunk decision to make a move on the cute girl all turns pear shaped when you lean in for a peck and in return she opens up to swallow your face in one go! That feeling of their mouth completely engulfing your lips is not a pleasant one! Ladies and gents you’re kissing not eating a gawd-damn pie! Also kiss / slobber rash doesn’t look pretty! If I can see your teeth and tonsils before our lips meet I’m not going to be back for more!

Teeth bump
This is unfortunate. I’ve added it in, because sometimes this even happens to me! The kiss where your getting all hot and bothered then your teeth knock and depending on how sensitive they are the passion just vanishes to be replaced with tingling teeth or fits of laughter depending on the situation! I think the way to avoid this is really quite easy. Go in for some sugar at a slight angle. Tilt your head about 15 to 20 degrees in the opposite direction to your pashee and you’ll not only avoid a nose smoosh but be far less likely to bash nashers too!
Licking your ears kiss
This is the close cousin to the Eat your face off kiss. Drooling all over someone’s face is not pashing them! Keep it clean and tidy, I don’t want to have to mop up my face like I just ate sloppy spaghetti! Swallow your spit regularly and don’t let your tongue stray too far away from the lips. This will ensure less saliva distribution and mean you’ll both look a lot classier once your finished. Having to wipe your face on your sleeve post pash is not sexy mmm’kay!
Betty Biter kiss
Lastly, my most controversial smooch review; I’ve called it the ‘Betty Biter’ because I love a little nibble. That gentle nibble on the lip is super hot and is not what I’m talking about! Betty Biter often leaves a mark, or makes you flinch a little with her enthusiasm! If you’re hungry please have dinner first before coming in to make face with me! I’m not dinner!
Hope you’ve enjoyed my lighthearted advice. This is all advice from experience but the number of bad kisses I’ve had is not really that many. If I can inspire even one of you to take my tips and practice and enjoy it, my job here is done! Kissing is the best part of foreplay so enjoy and make the most of it!! 😉
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