Gratitude in the madness of change

Gratitude in the madness of change

1977 GMC Vandura #vanlife restoration

1977 GMC Vandura #vanlife restoration

What a crazy few days/week it’s been. I know I’m trying to slow down but this pace is exciting. From sleep over dates and getting to know and feel comfortable with a new human, to having my van stolen – AND completely surreally getting her back. Buying RV insurance then immediately using it the next day. The serendipity has been incredible in a way it has left me feeling completely out of control, and ungrounded where all I can do is trust, all I can do is let go. To release my attachment to any plans, and to work hard when opportunities and doors open to me.

Last night my vehicle was stolen.  I heard it start up, (holes in her muffler make for a super loud and recognisable sound) and drive off. My first ever 911 call and my body shut down into shocked eerie calmness while I gave the dispatcher details. I’ve never been in quite an intense trust situation where everything feels so dark, hopeless and out of control – when all you can do is feel that tiny glimmer of hope and feeling that it is all part of the journey.

Later that night the police called back having found my van, arrested the thief and told me to come collect it. In 1 piece, 99% unharmed and without impounding it or taking her off me! She lives, and we get to continue her restoration journey together – towards my dream of living in her on the road traveling. What a glimpse into the shadow world. Just before the new moon in Gemini!

Since then I have yo-yo’d between exhaustion, overwhelm and a beautiful reminder to share my gratitude, love and thankfulness for the opportunities, love, support and access I have to a means of transport, financial means of supporting myself and doing a up a van, and a life in a country where emergency services actually help – search helicopter and all.


I am feeling so grateful. This I’m back catching the bus to and from work because my Van has been hanging out at my mechanic’s house… I’m pooped. I am so thankful for my out of the box ways of thinking of things and not giving up. Being told by an auto mechanic that doing her up would take 50k and 12 months, too making wonderful leaps and bounds in progress giving her love has really warmed up my heart. It almost feels like my heart is being taught to love again in a way that’s completely new to me.

With a human body I’m not familiar with but am wonderfully attracted to – gentle, gorgeous and softly caring and sweet. To a vehicle I almost regretted for a second bringing into my life.  The clouds started all black with her till slowly my determination not to give up and to find a way around “the system” has opened up my heart to dreaming and imagining our adventures and travels together. It’s exciting, thrilling and a terrifying emotional roller coaster where I’m learning so much about the things I am scared of. Challenging the things or parts of my identity that I’ve been clinging to and how to smashing it pieces straight out from under me.

Woken up, lit up grateful, thankful and overwhelmed.

Riding the bus this morning and not having my headphones to loose myself in inspiring podcasts but to actually having to sit with my brain. Finding a precious moment to be present and create this stream of consciousness and gratitude. To feel grounded in an urban routine of stopping for a second to allow my mind space to breathe.  I wouldn’t have imagined a few weeks ago how happy I’d be to have a long bus ride to work.

1977 GMC Vandura #vanlife restoration

Video editing 

Video editing 

Editing is like killing your story, then bringing it back to life again slowly. It’s that other thing I do besides post selfies. Write drunk, edit sober.

Art is what you can get away with.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Our Women

Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Our Women

Following on from my post yesterday, you all now know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I was a small part of this video below and hopefully of other of their events coming up also.  This video is amazing and I still tear up every time I watch it!   See the official website and share the video on yourselves!!

(Can you spot me at 4m 05?)

Our Women is a breast cancer awareness project. A love song by New Zealand artists for all kiwi women to hear. Reminding our women that they are precious and irreplaceable, and making sure each one has the information needed to stay healthy.

Seven kiwi women are diagnosed with breast cancer every day. These are our mothers, aunties, daughters, wives and friends. These are our women.

In 2008, Helena McAlpine was one of them. To ensure that other kiwi women didn’t suffer the same fate, Helena partnered with the NZBCF to create a special message. Now we need your help. Go to to pass on Helena’s message and the music video to the women in your life. 

Taking part could save the life of someone you love.

Getting all done up and shooting for the video then rushing to the first Day of Fashion Week!  

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Coco Rocha the Irish Dancing Model

Some of you might know that many years ago I used to do Irish Dancing. When I say “do”  I mean absolutely obsessive about it. Living, breathing, eating and sleeping it.  Passion quite simply put.

However I didn’t realise that Coco Rocha who also recently featured on America’s Next Top Model was scouted at an Irish Dancing competition when she was much younger!  She became well known as the Irish Dancing model.

Model Coco Rocha talks about her early life as Irish Dancer before entering the world of high fashion and her Irish jig down Jean Paul Gaultiers runway in 2007, dubbed by American Vogue “The Coco Moment”.

JIG is the new documentary on the world of Irish dance by Sue Bourne. Released across America June 17th, 2011.

Additional filming, editing and production by James Conran with kind assistance and footage from the office of Jean Paul Gaultier.

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Roller Derby:  Auckland vs Christchurch!

Roller Derby: Auckland vs Christchurch!

If you haven’t seen or heard about Roller Derby before – you should seriously get on top of that… Its a craze that has been resurrected from the 1930 and 1940’s into a current world wide competitive sport!!  Its athletic, got a seriously thick rule book and is one of the few Women only sports.  (Boys are welcome to referee however!)

If you don’t know how it works there are plenty of YouTube videos out there explaining it and no doubt there’s a local league in your area with ladies all around would love the opportunity to explain it all to you!!

I played under the alias “Phloss-a-Raptor for almost three years in Auckland which now has two Roller Derby leagues; The Pirate City Rollers and Auckland Roller Derby League.  Its a big time commitment, big lot of fitness and a great way to gain self confidence while surrounding yourself with strong self assured women!  
It’s North vs South next month as Auckland Roller Derby takes on Christchurch’s Dead End Derby in Auckland Central’s first big roller derby event of the year at Pitt Street YMCA on April 14.
True blue Auckland Roller Derby joins the likes of the Auckland Aces, the Northern Mystics and the iconic Auckland Blues by donning the city’s favourite colour, and like the top teams, will be looking for your support when it takes on the might of the South Island’s biggest and strongest city.
Auckland Roller Derby features some of New Zealand’s top roller derby talent. With skaters who have competed regionally, nationally and internationally, Auckland Roller Derby will be the team to watch out for in 2012.
Christchurch’s Dead End Derby has come out fighting. Not to be fazed by catastrophic events over the last year, the green and black skaters of Dead End Derby are tougher, stronger and more determined than ever. The Christchurch side also features top level skaters who have competed on the world stage, so make sure you secure your tickets now to this event.
April 14 is your only chance to see Auckland vs Christchurch in the City of Sails this year, so don’t miss out. Tickets are just $15 for adults (or free for under 6s). Grab one now, at Under the Radar.
For more information, check out or visit
Phloss-a-Raptor says DO IT!
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