Fear doesn’t have a volume control – any time you try something new it thinks you will wind up dead. Stop and think about the times fear has saved your life, and then think of the time where fear doesn’t have perspective or the big picture that you have in your consciousness. Fear and creativity will always be linked. Remember the opposite of depression is vitality. There is enough within me that I inspire myself, that my sense of adventure or curiosity can thank my fear for highlighting the risks and encourage myself to make a decisions that move me forward, even just slightly joyfully.
I’ve been wanting to write about this for quite a while. Becoming a photographer, calling myself an artist has almost literally come out of nowhere. In looking back on my life so far, I see all the experiences I’ve had that have taught me the background to what I know. I’m not here by accident, I’m not doing this work because I am unqualified. This is my passion purpose for now, and I will continue to evolve with it as it also evolves, as is the impermanent nature of life. This is my story of gratitude.
I was in the shower when the conceptual idea of creating my photographic Queer Tarot Cards. I’m not the only one who’s had this idea either but I’m excited that I have opportunity to express my iteration of this inspiration. So when my inspiration came to me, in a skin tingling moment of clarity it lit a fire under my butt like I hadn’t felt in ages. I feel calm and clear headed in the shower, a place where nothing else seems to matter past the warmth and water on my skin.
I believe in magickal spirit beings, and to me inspiration is the personification of exactly that. That mischievous sprite flys with the wind, getting carried with swirls and turns to the east and west. In all it’s travels it is looking for a way to become realised, to be transported from the spirit realm into the human realm, and I believe this is not just a one way journey. Sometimes we wake up in the morning and think “OOOOHhhhh I’ve had this marvelous idea, or oh what an amazing dream.” If we do not capture that, weather it be writing it down or taking action to realise that idea, it can and will leave, float away, drift off to another being to be realised. Have you ever heard stories about someone saying “Oh that was MY idea” or “I was going to write that book?” Do you think this is a coincidence. They did indeed have that idea, and maybe they didn’t give it their due diligence, love, attention or action it was looking for. I think an idea or inspiration can also be realised be several people. Maybe that wind of creativity blows through me, I feel it’s magick and bring that idea to life. But I have no ownership of it, I can’t keep it, or lock it up. In fact trying to do just that is a sure fire way of killing that inspiration.
So with that context – I have a contract with my creative work. I have a duty, and wonderful purpose to bring it to life. Right now it is my Queer Tarot project, in future it might be something new and different. My creativity inspires maintains and energises me, and will for the rest of my life. I will feel like a successful photographer, writer, creator and artist, before and after you guys call me a successful one. I am authentically honouring the gift of inspiration that has visited me, as well as expressing my soul through the creative process.
All my art is part of my journey taking me to the next level, and I don’t even know what that level is yet. There is nothing more successful than the person who is confident enough to be stupid, to take risks and put themselves out there. This is where the uncertainty of change comes in. I have been living in a life of constant change and uncertainty for the last 6 months, traveling, working for myself, and stripping my life of all the unnecessary fluff. Now I have just started a job here in Vancouver. My fear has wonderfully piped up and warned me of getting stuck, observing that I now have an hour and a half commute that is “wasted time, scaring me with the idea of losing my vitality and creative energy. I’m writing this letter in part to you, but predominantly to myself, to thank my fear, to hold space it for highlighting to me the things I now can be aware of taking action and making change in those areas. Yes, a 3 hour round trip commute feels like an absolute drag, but I’ve found podcasts I can listen to which light me up, I have laughed, smiled, and almost cried with the joy of listening, learning and exciting my mind. One of the podcasts Elizabeth Gilbert talked to a girl who described herself as having the most boring job in the world. Yes she did exactly the same thing every day, and I am grateful I am not in that position. I have creativity and variety in what I do, that I really enjoy. The thing I really took away is the highlight that nothing is ever static, there is energy all around, and especially in frustration there is much power to create the inertia for change or creativity.
My contract with my creative inspiration currently means I have to make my Queer Tarot project happen, to give up myself, or to give myself over to the call to create. Right now I am choosing the trade off of working and creating simultaneously so I can travel to meet and work with more people globally and create magick with them in 6 month time. What happens after that I don’t know, and I am happy to let that just sit. And I know that my inspiration owes me nothing, following it doesn’t guarantee success, it just offers me the transcendence of working with it at all. The dance that doesn’t include my ego, just the pure gratitude of showing up and actively participating in my own experience.
I feel an entitlement at my inner heart level. The joy and arrogance of belonging, of calling myself and artist or a photographer and owning it. I am, I am here, I have desires, I have voice, I have a statement to make and oh so much pleasure to pursue. I’m here to celebrate this particular magick of creation in my life. This is my curiosity, I am alive enough to see what that is. Today, this month, maybe this year, maybe even next year, Queer Tarot is my creative gift, my inspiration, the creative thing that consumes me. The only unique contribution we will make in the world is the gift of creativity. Creativity in whatever way I end up expressing it, is how I share my soul with the world.
As I write this, my fear crops up again. Am I sounding like a overly optimistic rose tinted dreamer writing all this. Then I think to the times when I’ve been told to “come back down to earth” or that my voice wasn’t worth hearing, or that I wasn’t who I was supposed to be. These wounds I am healing in myself with a ruthless dedication to following my curiosity. Expressing my creativity. You know, it might not work every time, it won’t always see the light of day, I make and create far more than I share or I publish. But everything I do I am proud of, they contain a little of me, and little of that magickal gift of inspiration that I am so blessed and grateful to have been blessed with.
I am happy. I self generate my own happiness, and I am energised by following my creative curiosity. I wish sometimes to date, but getting past my fear of losing myself in a relationship is another story for another day. Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me, for allowing me to be heard. Pen-pals, please write back to me, I would love to hear about your journey with fear and curiosity / creativity. If you want more, the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert is an amazing place to start.
I love Labradorite. To me it’s magickal. The flashes of blues, greens, yellows and sometimes even pinky purples blow my mind! Coming from New Zealand I’ve always loved greenstone, or Jade. Labradorite has since stolen my heart, and I’ve started making necklaces featuring predominately Labradorite. Following and respecting the Māori, the indigenous inhabitants of New Zealand before the white man, these necklaces are made after the style of a traditional Māori Toki necklace binding. The Toki is a symbol of courage and strength in times of adversity, often worn by Māori elders as a symbol of power, wisdom and authority. These are not Toki necklaces, as not made of greenstone, only bound in a similar style with waxed cord.
Download this infographic that shares more about Labradorite, it’s uses, meanings, and healing properties of Labradorite, here.
My other favourite and a far cry from Labradorite is the Peacock ore, following similar flashes, and unlike what I originally thought, is not man made but coloured this way due to oxidisation of the ore once it meets oxygen after being dug up. You can see why I love it: Peacock ore is strong in inspiring creativity, self esteem and mental clarity. A water element crystal, balances my fire Sagittarius sign strongly. Love love!
When I started my business I set out with the righteous notion of helping people. This holidays that changed. Imagine this: “ Florence you don’t know my life, my situation circumstances, financial situation, my culture. The list could go on. “What gives you the expertise and position to tell me how it goes, how I should run my business or live my life. “
After listening to more “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert and then subsequently watching all the episodes on Netflix of the show” Chef’s Table, probably the least expected place I would be learning about myself.
The Chef’s table show is about the lives of some of the top chefs in the world. They share how they got to where they are, and what makes them happy, creatively fulfilled – and the stories are not easy ones. The common theme intrigued me. The were all saying the same thing that I’d heard in listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s, but in a different context.
“As soon as I stopped doing my thing “for others” and focused purely on what made me happy and fulfilled creatively, I found happiness and peace in my heart” (and ultimately success).
I was flawed. They all spent time gathering their “Career Capital” then tried to cook like someone else or what they through their guests wanted. As soon as they stopped doing that, relinquished all perceived expectations, they found their zone of genius, passion and happiness. From a writing / content point of view Elizabeth’s perspective is very similar. She writes her books for herself. As if writing it down makes it easier for her to take her own advice. Each story is for herself at the moment she writes it. For the now, that specific moment in time. The lesson, story or encouragement SHE needed to hear. She goes on to say by writing only for herself there is no expectation for it to help others, there is no expectation that anyone would agree or find it useful.
By doing so all the pressure of achievement success or effects for others are removed and lifted. If the writing doesn’t connect with someone, it does so organically to their interpretation. How it suits them, their situation and circumstances, how they choose to read it. There is no more forced and pointed sense of that “Helping others” martyrdom in the writing.
Watching those whose truly happy sparkle glows in their eyes, who are helping others, are doing so because they love the work they do on a deeply personal level. It gives them personal satisfaction, joy, a creative outlet or expression of passion. The chefs who showed they were creatively expressing and challenging themselves had a sense of calm content and happiness about them. Their purpose was not to conform but to serve their creative needs and share the outcomes with others with that joy in enjoying what they do.
These chefs and writers have changed their own worlds by doing so and unconsciously have changed the lives of those around them. The experiences they share with others are truly authentic and very vulnerable. People connect with this openness and authenticity on a deeper level. They are challenged by observing the author or creator living their magick, their truth, being their authentic creative selves.
Reading everything I have written now about my business, why I want to do what I do – I know it needs doing over. I will work over the beginning of 2017 to update my website to reflect how my thinking has changed and the “WHY” of my business. My need to help others and feel like I am giving back to the universe has not gone away, and I don’t think ever will. But my perspective on how to go about it has completely changed. I don’t know you. I don’t know your life, I only know mine, and the things that effect me. I can only write about those, I can only tell you my story. I don’t do it from a place of self absorption but from a place of wanting to be a better version of myself to in turn share that with the world in a positive way. I do hope that you will connect with what I do, how I write and what I share, but it is no longer my motive, or my expectation.
I want to help you by showing you the best authentically creative version of me.
This is a very scary thought for me. Putting my real self out there, being open to judgement and criticism, being brave to say “This is me and this is what I write, this is what I create.” Doing, making and writing what I’ve learned, self help for myself, and courses that I would take, that I want to learn. It’s like stepping outside without an umbrella, being scared of the rain, and hoping it will be fun to jump in the puddles and that the rainbows will come out.
I only know what is my truth for right now, and I accept that as I grow and learn this will probably change. I will learn from you! I will share what I learn and how I grow with no expectations and I release that martyr-esque mentality of only doing what I do to help others. If I am happy I have more love to give, if I am creatively fulfilled I am making and creating things to share with the world. THAT is magick. That is what I want to live for, that is what I want to build my business around. If this even prompts a thought in your head it has done more than it was written for.
My business is a creative outlet, for me to build things, write things, and share. It will follow my journey, document the things I learn and how I grow. I am eternally grateful for those who listen who follow, and support me. May I support and follow you in doing the same, living your fulfilled creative and magickal life.
The Hierophant card signifies a hunger for knowledge, be it practical or in the Spiritual Realm.
Creating things is my sweet spot. My happy place when I loose hours a day, get engrossed in something an miss going to my Yoga class. (That happened this morning!) I do it and feel a rush of endorphins, a sense of satisfaction, productivity. It’s exciting and makes my want to get out of bed every day.
How vast is this change from the article I wrote a month or so ago about having lost that magick when thinking about my business. What changed? I went to a business coach and bought a new online course. I picked up a old course I bought last year I think and my brain is lit up, excited again. I’m learning and implementing fast, and in doing so creating lots of new things.
She is calm and in possession of herself, she is the teacher who can help unravel mysteries.
When I started my business the Rockwell Project it was exciting, I was learning faster than my body could keep up. Being an Empath I started to feel pretty burned out and my productivity momentum came in waves. I had a vision for what I wanted it to be and chased it. In doing so I lost sight of the original spark of creative magick that gifted me the business idea in the first place. I wanted to help a friend teach her Tarot Workshops online! Simple. That idea spawned a massive overload of features, functions and services that I “could” share and provide for people. WOW. Not simple.
Since seeing having my little epiphany and doing what entrepreneurs do best – Pivoting, I’ve tried to focus back on Simplicity.
Are you making a decision based on what you believe you “should do” or are you tuned into your higher calling.
I’m always going to love the education side of what I do. I’m very good at it, and I have solid career experience to know what I’m doing and how to best solve a problem or build LMS and learning solutions. Animating and making e-learning feeds a certain part of my need to be creative. Building learning management platforms excites the problem solving and challenge loving side of me. It’s definitely a skill but it’s not really my higher calling, if you will. At the moment it’s my bread and butter, freelancing and contract work is paying my bills, allowing me to work part time and focus my passion, my love energy on my magick and creativity.
The Hierophant’s purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth, leading the flock in shared, communal rituals.
Separating the learning/ education and magick into two separate creatures, brands feels like a weight off my shoulders to full embrace each and create with in the confines of each. My message can be clear, un-muddled and simple. Create Magick focuses on creating freedom and excitement in exploring Magick, the Tarot and self discovery and exploration that comes with it. It’s my heart-felt journey to working in a way that heals, connects and frees both those I work with and myself at the same time. This is my spiritual journey, my rituals and practices shared.
The Rockwell Project satisfies my need to help others on a technical and geeky level. I love helping people build websites, start teaching things for themselves – It’s thrilling. Creating video, film and animations are equally satisfying but on a more base earthy, technical level. Instructional Design would only be half of me if I wasn’t able to share and express my spiritual side, my journey too.
Together the Rockwell Project and Create Magick feel like a whole. For now, and as I continue to learn and grow myself. I am complete.
The Tarot Course will be opening for intake in September with a limited number of places. I want to make sure everyone is able to be creative, enjoy and participate in this course journey through Queering the Major Arcana tarot cards
This course isn't designed to help you memorise card meanings - I aim to inspire and prompt you to tap into your own creativity & magick as you explore tarot. This course is full of exciting ways to share, experience and connect with the Tarot stories in your daily life.
Join me with sharing and looking at the 22 Major Arcana cards from a Queer and magickal point of view, focusing on the importance of story telling, your own experience and intuitive connection. You are magick, you are creative, this is connection.
The past few months have been massive lesson and journey around my self care, creativity and productivity in my work. I’ve had a full plate and so much to enjoy, to do and produce. I’ve been mentally (and starting to track in an app) my energy levels, and how that relates to what’s happening in my life, and my hormone cycles. I feel like I’m facing some inner judgement of myself sharing this, as I’ve always considered it a weakness to admit that my periods effect me so much. I’m not allowing myself to continue with that rhetoric. Everyone has mood swings, or things that cause stress that effect or change their ability to be productive and creative My internal dialogue has been telling me I’m not good enough or working hard enough when I take breaks or self care.
Reward yourself for Self Care not just Productivity.
Re-writing this pattern, this internal critic, to make my business healthier, my creativity stronger, my work and sanity balance more calm.
I really enjoyed recording this video almost as a way of telling my self to listen to my own advice. Speaking it out loud makes it real ya’know some how. Thank you for listening to me, after a long day working, it is so lovely to just sit down and talk to you. To feel a little vulnerable, letting you into my space, giving you the freedom to judge, appreciate or comment on my thoughts.
Self Care not just Productivity?
Do you share my experience?