Telling Queer Stories: Heavy Brain Poem

Telling Queer Stories: Heavy Brain Poem

Do you ever feel as though your brain is heavy?

Like it could just knock your whole head off and make you unsteady.

Do you ever hear the cry of the Wolf deep wither your ear canal?

Howling the the breeze of the unsteady heavy brain.

Do you ever drift off mid conversation?

Oi, Oi! Are you listening to what I’m saying?

Lights on no one home, heavy brain wolf in your ear.

Have you ever felt the depths of depression

In so deep you can’t cope with the pressure

Dark days even darker nights

Cloudy mind heavy brain

Just wanna dance in the rain

To no prevail you try to get up

Even if it’s for just one cup.

For me I take a moment in time

Not the type to wine and dine

My soul is to heal from its own inner hell

A world of turmoil sunk deep in a spell

Tortured and abused my body weeps

A temple they say… I need a beach

Oceans of salt wash away the hate

Self love self care walked out the gate.

Filling my mind with various poisons

Only to wake back in a state

To heavy to breath

To unsteady to stand I go bury my head deep in the sand

Sex, drugs, dancing on tables

No wonder I felt so unstable.

Serotonin so depleted from years of addiction

Where on earth do I start to fix it?

Stop drinking stop smoking put down that pill

Easy to say goes against my will

Smokey haze drunken summer days

Addicted minds come out to play

Why would I want it any other way

Has been my life to this very day

Try to stop the doc will say

Mind takes over the bottle stays

Take this pill it will make you sick

Even if you have just one sip

Purple haze brains seen better days

Now it is time to clean out the closet

Change my ways of sinking to the bottom

Whoops once again the bottle is empty

Why on earth can’t I stop this cycle so tempting

Self medicating the years away

Not knowing to this very day

Drunken stupor why was I so stupid

How did I not see I was battling PTSD.

Years of torment inflicted on oneself

Blowing my brain to pieces

Now it is time to recreate the jigsaw

Begin a new life it is official

Have u ever heard your own inner battle

Loud n clear in your own head

Be free of thought, mindless unwind

Do u ever hear voices inside?

I’m telling you now with time and trust you can quiet your mind….